If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
