In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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