Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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