we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
