I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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