i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
