He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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