goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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