3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
