I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
