I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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