i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
