Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
