he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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