There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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