I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
