I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
His nipple licking is glorious
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