I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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