I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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