I hope mine doesn't look like that
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
