Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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