I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
