I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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