the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
