he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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