seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
