no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
