i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
