Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So vagazzling was a success
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
