Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
