good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize