I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
