Apparently you make a good broom.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
