respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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