Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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