Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is Oprah even human
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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