apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
