I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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