i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
