wanna go halves on a baby?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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