drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
