capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
