I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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