my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just google imaged poop.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Randomize
