I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
