how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
