he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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