I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
