This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
