i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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