i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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