I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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