2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
