feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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