Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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