Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Houston, we have a blender
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
