He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
