How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
