I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize