Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Operation Purity has been aborted
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
