dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
