i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
