Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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