drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
