there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
